I am currently writing this blog on the plane from New York to Arizona. The flight is a grueling 5 hours, so I was trying to get as much writing done as possible. However, this idea for a blog kept coming to me throughout the day, so more pressing work is going to have to wait.
Before I fly I am always incredibly nervous so I tend to not eat anything. However, once I got through security, an hour before my flight at 8pm, I was starving. It was at this point that I got to thinking about the disastrous cuisine options at airports and on the planes themselves. I stand in the middle of Terminal 5 and look around me: Cheeseburgers, Philly Cheesesteaks, Dunkin’ Donuts, Famiglia. The only options are crappy, fatty, foods that are the last thing I think anyone should eat before they fly in a crowded plane and sit for hours on end. Yuck. All I wanted was something light and healthy, clean and fresh. Like a nice salad. But no, that’s a big mistake too. Have you ever stayed at one of those airport hotels, like Premier or Holiday Inn? And they offer a ‘gourmet chefs salad’? And the salad comes and its rubbery, leaves a terrible after taste and is the furthest state possible from being fresh. That is what I dub as “Plane Salad”, whether it is served on board an aircraft or not. It’s so inedible that even my greedy Springer spaniel wouldn’t touch it.
I don’t understand why the food is this way. Especially at airports like JFK and Newark who pride themselves on being so superior. Just because I am not spending thousands of dollars on a first class ticket doesn’t mean I don’t deserve some fine dining. I have never been lucky enough to experience first class but I have heard the cuisine upfront is much finer than the crap they serve us back in coach… Not all of us back there are redneck, hillbillies that just live off junk food and artery blocking snacks. And look at Heathrow – British people are stereotypically judged as not having a special culture of food, but Heathrow have a variety of restaurants – plus a champagne and caviar bar for god’s sake!
I actually asked the flight attendant on board why there are no healthy food options, and she said that on International Flights there are always vegetables on the side. Yes, vegetables that are wimpy and pathetic straight from a tin can.
What I am basically saying is; Plane Food = Shit Food. And what with this huge big concern of the nations health… no smoking in public places (still not over that), etc…. it is about time something is done about it. No wonder fat people have to buy two seats now; they probably get to the airport hours early to pig out on all the junk food, getting rid of their conscience by claiming they are on “vacation”.
Maybe that’s a tad harsh… but I sitting here between two terribly large men, both of who are gushing back beer and cheese puffs, I have a stomach ache after trying Jet Blue’s attempt to be gourmet – Turkey and Smoked Gouda Bites (in reality: processed turkey and cheese whip) – and I still have 3 more hours to go. I hate flying. And I hate bad food.